Joshuah evicted from the Big Brother 9 house

The only thing that can get me to care about Big Brother 9 is the elimination of a stupid, enunciation-challenged hamster, and thus Joshuah’s departure last night did the trick. Then again, there isn’t a person left in the house that I want to see win, so every Wednesday except the final one is pretty much a win-win.

Josh did his best to save himself, and by best, I mean, a pretty pathetic attempt. “This better be convincing,” Joshuah said before fake crying to Adam, who he calls Athum. (I think I figured out Joshuah’s speech patterns: He adds extra Hs to words because his own name has taught him that words need extraneous Hs. Examples: Athum, Nahalee, Sharuh) While he cried, he looked totally unconvincing, although Adam was incredible sensitive and kind, which is almost enough to make us forget that he’s so incredibly insensitive.

The only really uncomfortable part of the episode was an interview with Josh’s mother, which was accompanied by footage of his parents watching his (worst) behavior on TV. His mother, Darlene, said, “I’ve never seen the outbursts that Josh is doing now” and “I have never heard Joshuah use language like that.” Naturally, she came up with a way to explain and rationalize this, although she also didn’t seem thrilled.

“Sometimes when I’m watching him, I just want to wring his neck. What he comes out with is just, it’s embarassing. That’s not really Joshuah. Josh is very kind, loving, and so whenever I see this monster sometimes on TV, I’m like, where is that coming from? But I keep telling myself, that’s his strategy.” If only, Darlene, if only.

Joshuah got all preachy when he was evicted, and then all super-formal and kind and smiley, as if that’d mitigate his behavior for the last two months. “Believe it or not, I’m a good person. .. you break down and say things you don’t mean,” he told Julie Chen, and when she asked actual journalistic questions about his behavior, he said, “I’m only mean when I’m provoked. … Just call me Norma Rae; I stand up for the rights of everybody else, and I’m not afraid to do it.”

Wow. He’s such a crusader. If there’s a philanthropic organization dedicated to screaming horrific things at women, or spreading misinformation about HIV, or doing drugs anally, it is undoubtedly making plans to offer him a job as its spokesperson right now.