This satirical, fictional story is part of the April 1, 2008, edition of reality blurred.
Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama’s willingness to use talk shows and other popular culture to their advantage has prompted NBC to issue a press release inviting the candidates to appear on The Celebrity Apprentice 2. “The media wants a quick decision in the primary campaign and something far more entertaining than a discussion of ideas, and our network has the perfect mechanism for that kind of simplified thinking: Donald Trump,” an NBC executive said.
Trump said, “What better way for the Democratic primary to be decided than on my show, the number one show in the history of entertainment.” Critics charge that Trump’s decision-making is too arbitrary, but Trump laughed at that, saying, “as if voters have better criteria than I do, which is none whatsoever.” He also promised them that whatever decision he’d make, it’d absolutely be the right one, because his kids peeked out from his shadow and told him so.
Not to be outdone, executives at ABC, CBS, The CW, and Fox quickly issued similar press releases, offering the candidates spots on shows such as Dancing with the Stars and other star vehicles. One network rep said, “This is perfect timing, because we’re just about out of celebrities to cast for our celebrity-focused reality shows. And it’s so much easier to just do celebrity versions than come up with new ideas.”
Fox offered to air American Idol in the fall and invited John McCain and Ralph Nader to appear on the show, which will modify its format so that it can be used to select the next president. “Clearly, we’ve exhausted the supply of young people who can both sing and deliver the crazy, so it’s time to change things up,” a Fox executive said. McCain had to be briefed on the show’s concept by his advisers, who also had to explain to him what a television is, while Nader’s advisers said he’d think about it just as soon as he was done masturbating to results of the 2000 Florida election.
Gordon Ramsay said he’d chop off his bollocks if Fox made the candidates work as line cooks on Hell’s Kitchen, while Tyra Banks said if the candidates agreed to appear on her show, America’s Next Top Model, she promises to only ask them questions about herself.