Lauren Conrad will work for TMZ during The Hill’s fourth season

This satirical, fictional story is part of the April 1, 2008, edition of reality blurred.

Lauren Conrad will change jobs again for The Hills fourth season, which is currently filming. After leaving Teen Vogue, she spent time at a PR firm, but will now work for gossip blog TMZ. The actual nature of her new job is unclear.

“Having faked her own life for years, Lauren is particularly used to the idea that reality is flexible. Plus, there’s no actual standard for truth here, so she fits in perfectly,” a source said. “At TMZ, we have as much experience with and knowledgeable about journalism as LC does with cinéma vérité, so we expect that she’ll soon become our Vice President for Filming Celebrities Doing Newsworthy Things Like Leaving Stores.”

Another source said, “As a bonus, she also understands that there’s no such thing as a line between public and private, and having used her friends to land magazine covers, knows that there’s no such thing as going too low. Seriously, it’s so perfect, we can’t believe no one thought of this before, except whoever we borrowed the idea from and neglected to give credit to.”

Because filming at TMZ’s headquarters would be too disruptive, MTV executives said they’d recreate TMZ’s newsroom in a converted San Fernando Valley hotel. In addition, the time and energy that it would take to have Lauren travel between the two locations means that she’ll skip work at the web site and instead report to work at the hotel set, reenacting scenes while working from something they’re calling a “script.”

Other gossip sites and Livejournal users immediately copied and pasted the story of Lauren’s new job onto their own blogs, leading the print and broadcast news media to credit 17 different sites as the source of the information, because it’d take too much effort for blogs to link and the media to follow those links. Commenters on those sites raced to be the first person to post “FISRTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!! Ur all so losers” after the story and do their part to prove that journalism now belongs to the people.

Executives at Bravo and Bunim-Murray Productions–who have successfully absorbed personality-driven pop culture web sites in order to establish new marketing plateforms for their brands, maximize pageview to word count ratios, and monetize the founders they eventually drove away–immediately set about looking to acquire TMZ to add to their portfolios, according to a story in Page Six, which a banned Defamer commenter reported on his blog has been searching for a way to cause its competition to shut down, like PageSix.com did.

Surprisingly, man not eaten alive on Eaten Alive

Eaten Alive

Discovery Channel’s happy family holiday special Eaten Alive aired Sunday, rewarding viewers for their two full hours of viewing by ensuring that they spent quality time in the company of others instead of wasting that time doing something else that might not have been as satisfying, such as buying things that have labels which accurately reflect their contents.


Winter 2015 reality TV debut schedule

winter 2015 reality TV schedule

Mark your calendars with all these upcoming reality TV show debuts, including Celebrity Apprentice, The Bachelor, and another season of MasterChef Junior, all of which kick off in early January.

There are also 20+ shows debuting in December--including the one-off return of The Sing Off. No winter break for reality TV.

about the writer

Andy Dehnart is a journalist who has covered reality television for more than 15 years and created reality blurred in 2000. A member of the Television Critics Association, his writing and criticism about television, culture, and media has appeared on NPR and in Playboy, Buzzfeed, and many other publications. Andy, 36, also directs the journalism program at Stetson University in Florida, where he teaches creative nonfiction and journalism. He has an M.F.A. in nonfiction writing and literature from Bennington College. More about reality blurred and Andy.