Neil leaves “due to an urgent personal matter” and Ryan and Jen have 20 seconds of romance

Neil’s abrupt exit from Big Brother 9 last week was dealt with on the show Tuesday night, but only by a bunch of poorly scripted nonsense that the producers had Joshuah read/memorize so he wouldn’t actually say anything.

“Big Brother called me into the Diary Room to inform me, and the rest of the house, that Neil would be leaving the game due to an urgent personal matter. Because this is a couple’s game, I now need a replacement partner. Since Jacob and Sharon have been sequestered, and have had no contact with the outside world since being evicted, I was allowed to choose one of them as my new partner,” he said. Neil, however, posted a message to his MySpace blog Monday that provided more information, and in it, refuted rumors that he left due to health reasons:

“Thank you so much for the outpouring care, support, and concern from all the BIG BROTHER fans. This has been a difficult time for my family, which I am dealing with privately. The drama is slowly being resolved, and all is headed to a brighter place.

I am now happy to say, that I am spending time with close friends and family. I wish Joshuah the best of luck and hope that he keeps up our brilliant strategy to win the big prize with my replacement, Sharon. Please know that I will NOT be back to the BIG BROTHER house and contrary to some web speculation, I was not let go for health reasons. Eeek! Again, thanks to each and every one of you for your support during all of this Big Brother business.

All my Love,

Neil Garcia, BIG BROTHER 9

P.S. -Shit Happens- >: O

In the Neil-less house, Joshuah chose Sharon as his replacement, and Matt and Natalie won the veto but refused to use it. We also watched Ryan and Jen have sex, sort of. While making out, Ryan said, “We can do it real quick. We’re gonna have to go do it. We’ll go in the bathroom right now and do it. Let’s do it.” “Really?” Jen asked. “It’ll only be like 20 seconds,” he said. Inside the bathroom, she said, “We gotta get off this toilet.” Oh, the romance.

Meanwhile, one of the most pointless fights in the history of the show happened thanks to an unintentional game of telephone. Previously, Sheila and Allison pretended to be a lesbian couple, and told Chelsia but swore her to secrecy. She told James, although she said they were “lebsians,” and James then decided that the guinea pig’s toy meant there were four secret couples in the house. He told Alex, who told his partner Amanda that he thought she and Parker were the couple, and she told Parker, who got pissed at James for saying that he and Amanda were a couple, even though he said no such thing.

Ultimately, everyone turned on Amanda, which may provide a bit of context for the horrific fight that occurred later but has not yet aired on TV, during which everyone seems to jump on Amanda. Joshuah calls Amanda an f-ing c-word, and Chelsia and Josh tell Amanda to hang herself like her dad did. The more I think about it, the more I like Autism United’s proposal to terminate houseguests.

Big Brother 9 [MySpace]
BB9 Josh calls Amanda a f@@kin’ whore & worse in EPIC fight [YouTube]