A team no one knew was actually on The Amazing Race gets eliminated

On last night’s episode of The Amazing Race, the teams spent time in Africa. And like the country they visited, which most had never head of, the team that was eliminated was I’m pretty sure I’ve never heard of, even though this show has been on for three weeks. Perhaps that’s just because they didn’t say many stupid things, unlike all of their competitors:

  • Phil explained that Ron required medical attention for a hernia he got on the last leg of the race. That would have been plenty of information, but instead, we watched Ron pushing on his distended belly and heard the show’s doctor say, “I reduced the swelling by pushing back the tissue into your abdomen.” What’s for lunch?
  • Burkina Faso might be “a small, developing country in West Africa,” as Phil said, and it seemed like a culturally rich and interesting place, but you know the producers chose it for one reason alone: to hear the contestants try to pronounce “Ouagadougou.” My award for best attempt goes to Shana, who told a ticket agent that they were going to “Oooh, whatever this place is.”
  • Besides challenging our understanding of how pale skin contrasts with black makeup and pink clothing, Vyxsin and Kynt also challenge sex stereotypes. Vyxsin explained that she holds doors open for Kynt, because “he brings out the chivalrous side in me; what can I say?”
  • Last week, Donald stripped down to his underwear for no particular reason, and this week, Nicolas’ grandpa said he planned on “letting it all hang out on this thing.” I think I’d rather watch the doctor push tissue into Ron’s abdomen.
  • Have sisters Marianna and Julia been on the race the past two weeks? Really?
  • Ron apparently owns only t-shirts that say “Who’s your daddy?”, and after he ran through the airport crying “Ooh, it hurts bad!, we know now the answer to that question: his intestines.
  • Jennifer (there are too many people named Jennifer on this race) and Nathan almost had a one-day head start on everyone else, but the rest of the teams arrived on time. As they boarded the flight, Jennifer said, “glad you made it” to them all, although she accompanied that with a stare that could have easily frozen Niagra Falls.
  • Shana and Jennifer seemed to be the least prepared to handle non-Western cultures and cities, and once in a cab in Africa, Shana said, “Where are we going?” Jennifer replied, “to be sold to people, for money.” As if anyone in Africa would pay for that much silicone.
  • Grandpa Donald said, “If I was a little younger… The sisters, they’re hot. There’s no doubt about it. They’re feisty, they’re a little bitchy, but not bad.” Then my DVR hiccuped and I missed the end of his sentence, and that’s good because it gave me a chance to wipe the barf off my chin.
  • Aboard a train, blonde Jennifer said, “These people bring flies.” But thankfully, Nathan offered a nice counterpoint to her ugly Americanism. “It is absolutely an incredible, incredible sight, just seeing how people live and just knowing that these types of places in the world really do exist, and just how lucky we really are to be here,” he said.
  • “Be mindful that camels are sensitive to fast movements and loud noises,” the instructions said. Lorena apparently interpreted that as “jump up and shriek as loud and as often as possible.” Her interaction with the camel as she tried to milk it was beyond hysterical, primarily because she was hysterical. “There’s no more milk!” “Ahh! He hit me!”
  • Best edit of the season so far award goes to Lorena milking a camel. “You can do it, baby,” Jason said. Cut to the camel literally shaking its head no, and then cut to it kicking Lorena.
  • And the award for worst strategy of the episode goes to Nicolas and his navigation skills: “I hope they know where they’re going, because we don’t.”
  • “Swallow every drop, Vyxsin, swallow.”
  • Ron was singing while walking camels to the next clue, and one of them made a bleating noise. “That’s camel for saying ‘be quiet please,'” Christina told her father.
  • Even when holding an umbrella in a torrential downpour, Phil hits his mark, flawlessly giving Travelocity its product placement.
  • At the pit stop, TK and Rachel, and Nathan and Jennifer slid across the mat and almost knocked over the host country’s greeter, a woman who had a baby stuck to her back. Altogether, five teams ended up on the mat within seconds of each other. “I can’t believe that all those thousands of miles, that all of you guys have turned up at exactly the same time here on the mat,” Phil said.
  • Shana and Jennifer taught several English words to a young boy, and when he got them all right, they said thank you repeatedly. To the teacher who’d just quizzed the boy. With their backs to the kid who helped them win.
  • “The reason she is so emotional is just because she’s passionate,” Jason said about his girlfriend Lorena. Then he explained that “she’s passionate about pleasing me.” And now we understand why they’re still in a relationship.
  • The sisters were eliminated. I’d be sad if I had any idea who they were.
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