Eric cries over Jessica and calls Janelle “Miss Piggy”

Sometime during last night’s Big Brother 8, Eric–eyes red and wet with tears–told us, “I’m America’s Player, and I’m doing what I need to to support America and make my way through this game. But here I am in a situation where I feel like I’m going to hurt someone. This is my absolutely dream to be here, and it’s turning into a complete nightmare for me right now.”

And now America’s Player has turned into a complete joke. This is the guy who’s a fan and student of the show, and he’s letting his in-house relationship with another player destroy him. One can only imagine that when Eric watches footage of himself talking in that annoying baby voice to Jessica that he’s going to taste puke in the back of his throat just like we do.

After all of this, the best choice for viewers last night was to vote to force Eric to vote for Jessica, who stayed nominated after Daniele won the veto and didn’t use it. If Jessica gets voted out with a unanimous vote–or even worse, stays but realizes one person cast a vote against her–that will rip Eric apart even more, which he deserves because he’s shown that he’s more committed to his own showmance than to the game.

But it also may shock him into waking up and becoming an actual player again instead of going ga-ga-gag me over Jessica. Besides crying over his situation, Eric made a perhaps even bigger blunder prior to the veto competition, which was hosted by Janelle. Before they knew that Janelle was there, the houseguests were shown a picture of her, and Eric said, “Oh God, it looks like Miss Piggy. That must be her after the weight gain.”

There was talk among feed watchers about whether or not that comment would make it on the air, and whether or not Janelle wasn’t as encouraging to Eric, but literally all she did was stand there and clap, and her presence was entirely pointless. (Far more disturbing was Dick’s fawning over and flirting with Janelle.) Still, considering the producers have so much invested in Eric, and Janelle is the most favorite player ever (except to, like, all the people who don’t understand why other viewers like her), that could affect America’s relationship with its player.

Meanwhile, Dick and Daniele had a moment after Dick insulted waitressing as a profession, even though Daniele is a waitress and loves it, as she told us. Daniele basically got annoyed with Dick, which led Dick to act hurt and say the most incredibly hypocritical thing he’s ever said: “I can’t stand the way that she talks me and the way that she treats me. Does she even see how she speaks to me?” Dick, you fetid dog turd, you just found your epitaph.