This satirical story is part of the April 1, 2007, edition of reality blurred.
To fill its Wednesday night at 10 p.m. slot during the times during the year when new episodes of Project Runway, Top Chef, Top Design, and Shear Genius are not available, Bravo will air Project Top Gay.
The show was created, the network said in a press release, because “our shows are such different, unique, separate properties that we wanted to find a way to unify them.” Despite the name, people of all sexes and sexual orientations will compete to promote Bravo’s other reality series. “Our show’s stereotypes don’t really depend upon the actual sexual orientation of our cast members,” an insider said. “But we wanted that title because with Queer Eye going off the air, we need a new way to pander to straight America’s preconceptions of gay people.”
The show will be hosted by Bravo’s Andy Cohen, who currently serves as the network’s vice president in charge of self-promotion and name-dropping blogging. He will also host the after show, write the show’s official blog, edit the series, design the logo, work the craft service table, and moderate the Bravo-owned Television Without Pity message boards 24/7 to ensure that posters who use negative adjectives, know as “trolls,” have their access to the site banned, their electricity turned off, and their pets fed Menu Foods products.
Each episode will feature two challenges, the first of which will find the contestants reenacting moments from previous shows. For example, contestants might dine at Red Lobster while speaking only in Santino’s Tim Gunn-searching-for-Andrae voice, haze a fellow contestant and then edit the footage so that it covers up the reality of those events, or throw a fit about their laundry. They’ll also help design BravoTV.com while blindfolded, just like its actual designers, and edit the site’s blog posts into pages with seven words each. Then they’ll write press releases proclaiming that their web site delivers an astonishing 82 billion page views an hour.
Jonathan Adler will serve as a judge, primarily because he came up with the show’s witty new catchphrase, “Nanny nanny boo boo, you lose.” He’ll tell those who aren’t eliminated, “You’re so gay today, you can stay, hooray!”