After 56 minutes and 13 seconds of American Idol‘s first hour-long results show, Haley Scarnato was finally eliminated from the competition, and Phil Stacey earned another reprieve.
Earlier in the ridiculously and unnecessarily long results show, we saw a clip of a very unamused Haley walking off the stage Tuesday after Simon criticized her clothing. She told the backstage camera, “I guess I’m going to go put a robe on.” Later, Ryan asked her if she was “offended,” and she said, “Not necessarily offended, but I mean, it hurts a little bit. I’m not going to wear anything that I feel like is going to be completely inappropriate. … I thought it was just fun; it was Latin week.”
Leading up to her elimination was a whole lot of nothing: Ryan Seacrest wandering around a farmer’s market in L.A. asking people what they thought about last night’s show, two separate segments recapped parts of last night’s show, J. Lo and Akon performed. It took 40 minutes before the bottom three–which also included Chris Richardson–were revealed.
There was also an entire segment that focused on Simon Cowell’s chest. Introducing a clip from Simon’s visit to Africa, Ryan said that “one of those two bulges [on Simon's chest] is a heart.” In Africa, a kid drew a picture of Simon which included breasts. “What are those?” Simon asked the kid. “That’s what you have on a woman. Are you saying I have those? I’m not very happy with you, [Kara?]. Actually, I think this whole school-in-a-box is a terrible idea.” He was clearly amused, though, as he was when Seacrest said, “Even in Africa, they think you need a bra. He’s turning red for the first time.”
There was also plenty of Sanjaying, which is my new phrase for the producers playing to his popularity. The show opened with Seacrest glaring at Sanjaya while he asked, “Who is going home?” Later, he kept stupidly teasing Sanjaya and the audience when he was identifying the bottom three; at one point, Seacrest said, “Sanjaya, would you please stand up? Hi there. No, not yet, we’re not ready. Sit down. We’ll come back.”
But neither Simon’s breasts nor Ryan’s teasing could top Sanjaya himself, who decided to give the world nightmares by suggesting he wanted to hook up with Jennifer Lopez. During one of the clip packages from the performance show, Sanjaya said, “I definitely hope that Jennifer Lopez picked up on my passion, and maybe I’ll get her number later, and we won’t have to tell Mark Anthony about any of that.” You didn’t have to tell us, either.