After sorting through thousands of votes, too way too many of which were from people who think I’m as dumb as they are, the results are in for reality blurred’s Sexiest Reality Stars of 2006 competition. First, thanks to everyone who cast a (real) vote. Your comments made me laugh and throw up a little. And congratulations to Carrie J., who was selected at random from all the votes cast, and coincidentally cast a vote for one of the winners. Thanks to Reality TV Stuff, she’ll receive The 2007 Sexiest Men and Women of Reality TV Calendars.
Many voters will be thrilled to know that the votes were spread around to more than 100 reality stars. That means the winners had smaller margins than last year, and also means that many stars got just one vote, so if you’re the one person who voted for Top Model‘s Caridee, Dancing with the Stars‘ Mario Lopez, The Apprentice‘s Sean, or The Bachelor‘s Lorenzo, they’re all yours. A few other examples of lone votes: Adam on Survivor Cook Islands got a vote from Joe because “he epitmizes the typical good-looking jock: dashing eyes, a devilish smile, a bod of rock, and a brain of an amoeba.” Obnoxious ass Peter from The Amazing Race 10 got an ironic vote from Jeff F., who wrote, “What chivalry, what tact, what a man.” M’Neeka B. voted for Neil Patrick Harris, who showed up on Big Brother shortly before coming out publicly; she wrote, “Yes, I know he’s gay. But I’ve loved him since I was 10 and I’m not quitting now!”
This year, it was the Big Brother online contingent’s turn to bring out the vote–and, tragically, prove that many of them have defective brains. Some voted dozens of times, assuming I wouldn’t notice their identical messages and misspellings, while others bragged about breaking the rules. And they were unapologetic; for example, Will and Janelle fan Sheila A. voted seven times and then wrote to me, “Fuck You, i vote as often as i wish.”
And those were just the obvious mis-votes. With such blatant malfeasance on the part of some (but not all) Will and Janelle fans–those who just didn’t trust that their stars were sexy enough to earn them a legitimate win with one vote from each fan–I can’t in good conscience allow either of them to win their respective categories and defeat nominees who received votes that came from people who can actually follow directions. However, I don’t want to ignore the dozens of real, legitimate votes scattered among those from the wicked, nor do I want to play Internet cop and try to sort through the rest, so I’m creating a third category to honor those votes. That will come later; first, the runners-up.
- 1% Diem, Real World/Road Rules Challenges
As Nicole S. wrote, Diem is “a beautiful girl and a courageous one at that. She fights her ovarian cancer and still remains a strong competitor and gets the job done–and she doesn’t whine about it either. Kudos to Diem!” And Chad P. wrote, “I think that she is beautiful and amazing and looks hot as hell– hair or no hair– wig or no wig.”
- 1% Johanna, Real World/Road Rules Challenges
Pamela R. appreciated Johanna’s beauty despite her poor decision-making skills: “I know Johanna is a dolt, especially since hooking up with the King of Dolts, Wes, but I always thought she was really pretty.”
- 1% CT, Real World/Road Rules Challenges
Alaina wrote, “From dirty to damn hot in only 2 seasons!”
- 1% Derrick, Real World/Road Rules Challenges
Voter Jessye isn’t going to be happy that her man, CT, ended up in the same category as Derrick, who she insists “is WHITE TRASH, not sexy.” But Amber B. says Derrick is “not that hot in the face but his body is ripped and he’s sexy in a different way.”
- 1% New York, Flavor of Love
Flavor may have rejected her twice, but New York is respected by her fans. Valerie N. writes, “New York would win any slamdown fight between her and Janelle. Janelle’s a wuss; New York kicks ass. New York is in my motherfuckin’ house, if you will!”
- 1% Erika, Big Brother 7
- 1.5% Katharine McPhee, American Idol 5
- 1.5% Yul Kwon, Survivor Cook Islands
Yul’s appeal seems to be, as Valerie N. wrote, “that he has no idea how sexy he is. Yum.”
- 2% Svetlana, The Real World Key West
- 2% Parvati Shallow, Survivor Cook Islands
Parvati, Ron P. wrote, is “so hot you wanna eat her in a tub with chocolate cake.” That sounds fun enough, but of course I can’t endorse actually eating any of our nominees.
- 3% Jase, Big Brother 7
- 4% Tim Gunn, Project Runway
He’s widely beloved, and as Catherine S. said, Tim has everything: “The man is educated, talented, compassionate, witty, charming, well-spoken, confident, creative, and the only sane moment in reality television. (Okay–if you focus on those physical attributes instead of the inner person, he’s also drop-dead gorgeous, has a delightful laugh and a voice that’s very easy on the ears–and blue eyes that will make your knees quiver.)”
- 5% Ozzy Lusth, Survivor Cook Islands
Recent revelations that Ozzy appeared naked and had sex in a Playboy reality TV show didn’t hurt him in this competition. As Curt H. wrote, “Thanks for doing the porn Ozzy!”
- 7% Constantine, Little Talent Show
Constantine’s fans tried to turn out the vote like they did last year, when he had 27.8 percent of all votes. This year, their hearts didn’t seem in it; nearly every vote for him just justified his eligibility this year rather than explaining why he was sexy. Those who did express their passion for Constantine were people like Amber B., who wrote, “Constantine gives me the creeps. Those devil eyes still haunt me. Ew. Ew. Ew.”
- 7% Chris Daughtry, American Idol 7
- 8% Howie, Big Brother 7
As Jason G. wrote, “The sight of Howie grabbing his fupa is a turn-on to anyone, gay or straight.”
- 11% Kaysar, Big Brother 7
Kaysar is still beloved, even if he lost the game again this year. Meghan M. cast her vote for him “because I like the tall, dark, handsome and would love to teach him ‘things’ (If you get my drift!)”
the winners: reality blurred’s sexiest reality stars of 2006
Laura Bennett, Project Runway 3
3.25% of all votes cast
How can someone win with such a low percentage of votes? The truth is that the female vote this year was split significantly among literally dozens of contenders. But Laura easily earned more individual votes than any other female reality star (excluding Janelle, although that doesn’t affect Laura’s win; see below).
Laura’s sexiness is a result of several attributes, according to those who voted for her. The designer is, as Carrie R. wrote, “the epitome of class and sophistication.” And Margot wrote that “Laura is one tough cookie. She kind of ruins the curve for women, since she really does seem to do it all. I love that she’s in her 40s, I love that she’s assertive, I love that she is crazy talented.”
James Rhine, Big Brother 7
12.7% of all votes cast
Like his Big Brother 7 colleagues, James’ win was helped by an online campaign, although as far as I know, he was the only star to contribute to his own campaign via his MySpace page.
James has his detractors (“James Rhine and sexy do not belong in the same sentence,” Pamela R. wrote. “Please let me win the calendar so I can deface James Rhine’s page.”), but that seems to be part of his appeal. As Nicole S. wrote, “I like a semi-evil, sorta intellectual, but funny guy in a dry humor sort of way.” Candy, like others, had no such reservations; she was so excited about James she didn’t have time to use her shift key, writing, “omg!!!! i would love to see and touch those abs…and to look into his eyes, i would melt.”
Will Kirby and Janelle Pierzina, Big Brother 7
27.1% of all votes cast
Together, Will and Janelle received more than a quarter of the (legitimate, as best I can tell) votes, and thus they are the winners in a new category: The Sexiest Reality TV Couple of 2006. They get their own separate category in part because of the voting problems, but mostly because nearly all of their votes came for them as a couple. Last year, people voted for Janelle on her own; this year, most people voted for Janelle and Will, describing and listing them as a couple, not as individuals.
They met as cast members on Big Brother 7, and an entire web site chronicles their showmance, which is rumored to have turned into an actual romance. Laurie E. said that, “As a pair, they deserve through pure hot chemistry to be named the king and queen of this little ole contest.” And Gloria H. agreed, writing, “Together they are the sexiest couple on the planet with their kisspering and twirling… talk about sexual tension… whew!”
And if we need any more evidence that their coupling has reached a certain status, Rhonda A. used a mashed-together name to describe them. “Together this couple has become the most talked about reality couple since Rob and Amber from Survivor,” she wrote. “Three months after the show ended, Winelle is more popular than ever.” The votes certainly prove that.