Teams that stick together almost fall apart in Mauritius

Today I’m going to start with the end of The Amazing Race 10, although there will be no spoiler. That’s because I did not see the end. Once again, because of football’s inability to stick to a damn schedule, the episode started late. Upon discovering that my DVRed recording of this week’s episode actually started with 60 Minutes (ugh, all that talking), I realized I’d have to record Cold Case, too, in order to catch the race’s spill-over. That wasn’t a big deal, really. But once my 8 to 9 p.m. recording ended, I switched to the recording of Cold Case, and naturally, my DVR decided right then to take choke on itself and reboot for five minutes, thus stopping the recording process right when the teams were racing to the mat. If Phil made funny faces, I missed them, and for this, I blame you, Indianapolis and Denver football teams. Here’s what I did see:

  • Dustin and Kandice worked diligently this week to eliminate stereotypes about Miss America pageant contestants. Booking tickets to Mauritius, Dustin and Kandice learned they’d have to fly through London. “Ask him what country that’s in,” one said to the other. Later, Dustin decided that the men who told them London was in England “are not the brightest bulbs,” so they went elsewhere in search of tickets.
  • Lyn and Karlyn and Tyler and James got into one of those stupid, pointless fights that just made everyone look like asshats. The blondes told the ticket agent that the models are “with us,” even though Lyn and Karlyn arrived before the models. Tyler fought with Karlyn, and even offensively imitated her body language as he said, “That’s the most you’ve talked all trip, so shut up. …Say something smart.” Not only is he a model and a former junkie, he’s also a dick.
  • David and Mary, Lyn and Karlyn, and Erwin and Godwin have formed an alliance known as the “Six Pack,” although they used to be called the “Back Pack” (as in, they always come in the back of the pack while the more dysfunctional couples zoom ahead). Of course, with all the talk about the alliance being strong, it was just a mater of time before it began to give way. “Dave, we gotta find the Six Pack,” Mary said, waiting at the airport, even though Lyn and Karlyn had already taken off.
  • I’m only going to say this once, and then I’ll deny ever saying it: I kind of miss Peter and Sarah.
  • Learning that they’d have to swim to a boat to retrieve a clue, David shared a story about being traumatized in the water when he was a kid, and Mary explained that, in the South, trying to drown one’s kid is perfectly acceptable. “Where we live, people do that,” she said. “As a rite of passage, you throw the kids out into the lake and make ’em swim.” That rite of passage comes right before they teach kids how to cross streets by throwing them into oncoming traffic.
  • Godwin told us that only “a bitter and cynical person” would think they allied themselves with two weaker teams in order to ensure that they’d always be safe. Instead, he said, they’d be stronger if they stick together. Stronger, and last: the teams stayed together, but they were also the bottom three as a result.
  • Sometimes Tyler gets a little snickety,” James said, marking the first time in the history of the planet that an reportedly straight man has used that word non-ironically.
  • Rob and Kimberly had a relationship meltdown when their car stalled. “I can’t get the car into gear,” Rob said, and then quickly gave up. “You do it; I’m done,” he said, storming off. Then when Kimberly offered to try, he completed his transformation into his alter-ego, SuperAss, and said, “You’re not going to magically do that.”
  • Dustin hit a bus with their car, although they continued to drive their car with the smashed headlight and bumper. “That’s the first accident I’ve ever had in my life,” she told us. That’s impressive, because I’ll bet she thinks those green and red lights hanging over the road are just decorations for Christmas.
  • At one point, a team opened a clue envelope, and the text on the card appeared to be blurred out. There was no Roadblock this week, but as Wade on Birmingham noticed, CBS’ web site shows a photo with Dustin and Kandice clearly holding a Roadblock clue. Obviously, there was a task that we didn’t get to see.
  • After retrieving a clue, Rob and Kimberly started bickering again. (“No, calm down, you’re freaking out right now. You’re losing it.”) The best part, however, came when Kimberly screamed, “What are you doing?” Rob screamed back, “I fell!”, as he had, in fact, tripped and fallen, and was sprawled out on the ground, where he deserves to be.
  • Speaking of falling, the producers set up a trap on an island that was part of the Detour. “I feel like Indiana Jones right now,” one of the blondes said after falling into a pit filled with hay.
  • Despite their stupidity, Dustin and Kandice stayed in first place for most of the race, and checked in first. They won motorbikes, which Phil suggested could “carry a passenger, so you can take a date out if you want.” One of the blondes asked him, “Can I take you, Phil?” He said, “um,” sort of like someone would say “um” if you offered to infect them with genital warts.
  • I missed everything after their victory, as my DVR kicked in again right as the credits started to roll. Next week’s preview, however, introduced a new game element (the “Intersection”), and included all teams, thus confirming that this was the second non-elimination leg. Whatever crazy person updated this season’s Wikipedia entry within moments of the show concluding identified David and Mary as the team that placed last and were marked for elimination yet again. It’s just too bad we can’t mark Kimberly and Rob for an intervention.