Mike “Boogie” Malin wins Big Brother all-stars

“Boogie, it’s hard to justify giving half a million dollars to someone that owns six restaurants and kind of bullied and threatened their way in a reality TV game show,” Howie told Mike “Boogie” Malin right before casting his vote. It was perhaps the most intelligent thing Howie has ever said.

Alas, Howie — along with Danielle, Will, Janelle, Games, and George — cast a vote for Mike, who won Big Brother 7 with all but Marcellas’ vote.

Some of those votes for Mike were unexpected, but Janelle’s was not. She made her hatred of Erika clear, particularly after Erika admitted to Janelle that she played Janelle. “My best move was convincing Janelle to vote out Will,” Erika told the jury. “He was the one I know I needed to get out in order to position myself where I am now.”

I love Janelle for her game play last summer and her victories this season, but I totally don’t understand her strategy. She ripped Erika for being a floater and not being “loyal.” Being loyal did get Janelle to the final three, but the whole game might have gone very differently without her warped perception of the floaters. She did say one thing that made some sense: “Chill Town ran this game, and for us to deny them a winner, it’s not really fair, because they played a better game.” They may have played a better game, but a good 95 percent of that was Will, not Mike.

Still, Mike did make it to the end, and for that, he deserves credit, although not respect. When asked what his best move in the game was, Boogie said it “was not using the special power that I had and keeping Janelle in the game and aligning with her for the homestretch.” Kind of interesting that he’s either perpetuating the lie about the coup d’etat, or the producers never really did take away his power despite the fact that he broke the rules.

The best part of the finale came before Mike “Boogie” Malin received half a million dollars, and that was when Julie Chen allowed the jury–and Mike and Erika–see footage from the diary room.

Janelle watched James call her awful names, and Erika had to watch Boogie calling her awful names. Alison said, “Erika, I hope you use that money, buy yourself some dignity,” but Erika was dismissive (“we played each other”), and Mike was basically in denial (“it’s an edited television show, people, just remember that”).

Jase and Diane also admitted that they had a secret alliance, albeit by using Mike and Will’s goddamn stupid phone call routine. Seconds later, everyone had to watch a montage of those routines. If these two jackasses get cast on The Amazing Race, I will boycott that entire season, not that anyone cares.

Now, though, it’s time to pretend that I didn’t just waste the last three months, and hope that next summer is more like last summer, rather than this disastrous bore of a season. If you’re more interesting than the people who we just watched, CBS is now accepting applications.

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