WTF? George becomes HOH in double-elimination week and instantly nominates James and Erika

I’m desperately trying to figure out if last night’s episode of Big Brother 6 was appallingly dull or incredibly shocking.

Marcellas was evicted by a unanimous vote, exactly as Janelle predicted would happen when Will and Boogie proposed this and promised her it wouldn’t happen. Right before being evicted after a live vote, Marcellas told the other houseguests, “No big speeches.” Then he proceeded to give a big speech, in which he invented a new verb, “to scumbag”:

“We each get to choose how we play this game. If you want the game to be about lies and scumbagging each other, and you can live with that when it’s over, that’s great. I’ve tried to be honest, I’ve tried to be friends with everybody, and I hope that you guys know that’s what I wanted. So if you can lie to me to my face, send me out under these circumstances, that’s all I can do. I want to stay. All I can say is please.”

Alas, no one listened, and he walked out the door, stopping only to hug Erika and kiss Danielle, who started bawling. When Marcellas sat down with Julie Chen, she displayed some actual personality by alluding to her previous display of personality, when she hit Marcellas on the head with her cards after he didn’t use the veto to save himself during season three. This time, Julie referred to Marcellas’ wig and asked, “Did you wear this for protection so I wouldn’t hit you?”

Moments later, Julie presided over the HOH competition. The producers opted this time to have technology that could not fail: the houseguests’ hands. Yes, each of them wore one white glove and one red glove, and were asked to raise their hands to answer questions, as if this show wasn’t already enough of a joke.

Incredibly, Chicken George tied with Danielle, and then won the tiebreaker, becoming the new HOH. Like viewers everywhere, he was literally in shock, not even moving to hug those people who were stretching their arms out to hug him. I’d say he was affected by all that high-protein oatmeal he’s been eating, except that expression of utter disbelief and confusion is the one he usually has on his face.

As luck would have it, this is a double elimination week, as Julie Chen told us, and seconds after learning that, George had to nominate two people for eviction. This practically caused George to stroke out right then, particularly when Julie Chen said, “and I need it quickly, George.” He nominated James and Erika, nominations that sound suspiciously like the people Janelle would have nominated.

In any case, one of them will be evicted Sunday night. Or maybe not. That’s because Mike Boogie won the coup d’etat, and has two more chances to use the power, having turned down the first opportunity tonight. Thus, he’ll either use it Sunday or Thursday. Boogie correctly guessed that the first two clues, a ewe and some sewing equipment, meant “You reap what you sew.”

Mike Boogie knew he’d won when a grim reaper appeared in the house and looked at the houseguests, although not with the glowing CG red eyes added for our benefit. Oh, crazy costumes and computer graphics–so much fun! What will Sunday’s episode bring? A grown man dressed like a chicken trying to make decisions?