New Big Brother 7 Head of Household Danielle nominated two season six cast members, Janelle and James, in order to get rid of Janelle.
First, we had to watch the end of the HOH competition, which, when we left it, had all of the houseguests sitting atop a rope spider web. This was made at least two percent more challenging by the fact that the web ejaculated shaving cream all over them every few minutes. And sometimes the web tilted from left to right!
The first five people to drop off had a chance to win a prize. James fell second, and in the diary room, the producers asked him talk about the prize we’d just watched him win. “I won the nullify an eviction vote pass,” he said, “and what that allows me to do is nullify a houseguest’s eviction vote.” No shit? Thanks for clearing up our confusion.
Will was the first person to jump down, and that gave him plenty of time to deliver his carefully prepared lines in the diary room through that smug grin of his. I can’t really remember what he was like four years ago, but this season, he’s basically performing for the cameras 24/7; there isn’t a sentence he says that seems genuine and not designed for us, the home viewers. For example, flirting with Howie again, Will said, “You do look like a mayonnaise-eating bear. Or a bloated, half-dead diabetic manatee.”
Will also delivered a healthy dose of homoeroticism and ethnocentrism when Kaysar tried to crack his back. At first I thought this was smart strategy, that Kaysar was trying to break Will’s back and thus eliminate him without having to nominate him. Instead, Kaysar told us, “I saw a chiropractor crack someone’s back once and I figured, what the heck, I’ll give it a try.” A shirtless Will laid face-up on the floor, and Will pointed out repeatedly that this was “gay” and “homosexual. … It’s making me feel really uncomfortable, like I’m gonna get touched by a man in my bathing suit area.”
Like a bad stand-up comic, Will delivered a well-rehearsed line to us from the safety of the diary room after this was all over. “I’m not sure where he went to chiropractic school, but I bet it wasn’t in the United States, if you know what I’m sayin,’” he said. Yes, we do, you pale, hairless racist.
Meanwhile, the newly formed Legion of Doom alliance–which apparently includes Danielle, James, and Chill Town–discussed strategy. James remains livid about Janelle’s decisions, although he’s pretty nice to her face. In the diary room, however, he said, “this Anna Nicole Smith wannabe is probably the dumbest person to ever play this game.”
Danielle proposed trying to get rid of her, and decided to put James up as a pawn. The theory was that James could win the veto, preventing Janelle from winning it. (They’ve apparently forgotten that a few weeks ago, Chicken George won the damn veto, so James’ victory isn’t assured.) James initially called this “nuts,” but Danielle said, “I need you to completely trust me,” and he did. If she doesn’t stab him in the back and help send him out the door, it’ll be a Big Brother first.