Last night, HBO aired the season finales of both Deadwood and Entourage. Over on NBC, there was the three-hour Emmy telecast. There was also our old friend, the Sunday episode of Big Brother 7.
Between writing about the Emmys and lamenting the end of Deadwood, I didn’t have a lot of time or energy left for the six people still locked in that house. Luckily, the episode, in which head of household Erika nominated Janelle and George for eviction, was easily summarized in two sentences, as I learned when a friend asked me how it went. Here’s what I said:
Well, sometime after the remaining houseguests pretended once again to be awed by a new rug and comforter in a bedroom, the 47-year-old man who normally dresses up like a giant chicken got into a skintight green leotard, mounted and virtually ass-raped people dressed like birds and bees who’d just soaked themselves in yellow liquid, all so they could earn beer and meat as their only food for the week, which they learned they’d won after the person hosting the competition said, non-ironically, “now that we’ve spread our seed and pollinated the back yard,” a phrase that, ironically, also applied to the hairless dermatologist who won season two–who’s going to win again even though he’s playing the exact same transparent game–because he interrupted his flirting with the blonde cocktail waitress who America loves in order to dry-hump a camera in the backyard and make verbal love to the camera and thus the audience at home.
It was awesome.