Chef Ramsay offers to insert pumpkin into a Hell’s Kitchen patron’s behind

Whereas Bravo’s Top Chef is about demonstrating culinary skills and challenging them, Hell’s Kitchen is mostly about humiliation. It’s like boot camp for aspiring chefs, and while that humiliation is entertaining, it’s not entirely pointless, as the chefs last season seemed to actually learn something as a result.

The tough love may have a point, but basically we watch because it’s fun to see Chef Ramsay insult people. Sometimes his insults are completely lame, but sometimes they’re incredibly witty or just funny. So, here are my two favorite insults from last night’s first two episodes:

To a customer who was unhappy with the quantity of pumpkin in his risotto and told Chef Ramsay, “I just want more pumpkin; that’s all I want,” Ramsay went for shock value, replying,

“Right. Well, I’ll get you more pumpkin and I’ll ram it right up your fucking ass. Would you like it whole or diced?”

In episode two, Gabe misheard an order, forcing Chef Ramsay to repeat it. After he did, Ramsay said,

“Now, would you like me to e.mail that to your fucking Blackberry? Move your ass.”

Surprisingly, man not eaten alive on Eaten Alive

Eaten Alive

Discovery Channel’s happy family holiday special Eaten Alive aired Sunday, rewarding viewers for their two full hours of viewing by ensuring that they spent quality time in the company of others instead of wasting that time doing something else that might not have been as satisfying, such as buying things that have labels which accurately reflect their contents.

Winter 2015 reality TV debut schedule

winter 2015 reality TV schedule

Mark your calendars with all these upcoming reality TV show debuts, including Celebrity Apprentice, The Bachelor, and another season of MasterChef Junior, all of which kick off in early January.

There are also 20+ shows debuting in December--including the one-off return of The Sing Off. No winter break for reality TV.

about the writer

Andy Dehnart is a journalist who has covered reality television for more than 15 years and created reality blurred in 2000. A member of the Television Critics Association, his writing and criticism about television, culture, and media has appeared on NPR and in Playboy, Buzzfeed, and many other publications. Andy, 36, also directs the journalism program at Stetson University in Florida, where he teaches creative nonfiction and journalism. He has an M.F.A. in nonfiction writing and literature from Bennington College. More about reality blurred and Andy.