On last night’s episode of The Gauntlet 2, a second cast member decided to leave. This time it was The Real World San Diego‘s Cameran who decided to quit. But, eh, whatever. The fun part came when she announced her decision; it started a chain reaction of incomprehensible, borderline-illiterate dialogue that was just too wonderful.
In order to better understand what was said, I present (the first of a hopefully periodic series of) transcript with translations. Hover your mouse over underlined words for an attempt to figure out just what the cast member was saying. As usual, this transcript does the actual show little justice; when Aneesa starts ranting, you have to picture her dressed as a drag queen who was just trampled by elephants. And her body language was being mirrored by Timmy, who was standing behind her. And TJ is about 10 times dumber than he sounds in print. Also, there’s a lot of cross talk that I’ve skipped, so these are just highlights.
Cameran: TJ, we’re going to let you down, because I… Sorry this is not going to be very interesting, everybody, but I am surcumbing.
TJ: Na na na, you can’t do that. This is the Gauntlet. It don’t go like that. Get it laced up, let’s go. …
Cameran: No, that’s not what we decided! I decided to surcumb to the gods of the Gauntlet. And I’m going to forfeit myself.
TJ: Hey, before she gets started, is there anybody else who wants to quit? I just want to know right now, because it’s lettin’ me down. It’s lettin’ me down. Ya’ll are lettin’ me down, na na na. …
Aneesa (to Cara):I wish you would get in the fuckin’ Gauntlet with me, bitch–you wouldn’t fuckin’ leave it. How ’bout it, bitch?
Cara: You’re so gross.
Aneesa: You’re like so gross, because, ‘I lost 20 pounds and I’m hot now so I feel like I can act any way I fuckin’ want.’ Suck my dick, bitch. (crowd gasps)… I don’t need a Gauntlet, bitch, I will cut you with words.
Randy: Cameran succeeding from the gauntlet has secured Kina another night of being the captain until the next girl’s mission, so we’re all psyched about it.
MJ: I don’t think that Cameran really portrays our team spirit.