Weaver family not eliminated on The Amazing Race’s 100th episode

The 100th episode of The Amazing Race tragically arrived in the middle of the worst season yet, The Amazing Race 8. But it was almost a magical episode, because the Weaver family was almost eliminated after they had a meltdown.

It became obvious about halfway through he episode that they were going home, with more foreshadowing than we’ve ever had. But, damn the editors, it was another non-elimination leg. The Weavers will be back next week, which is at least good for comedy, although to be honest, they’re exhausting to watch. In any case, here’s the rundown of this week’s most memorable quotes, and bitchy comments about them:

  • “I think she has a quota every day, words that she has to come out of her mouth. It’s like, you know, shut up,” Michelle Godlewski said about her sister Chris, and I realized then that I don’t know any of their names; they’re just one big shrieking blur.
  • “The world we live in is obviously not loving and kind, so I think we’re just sticking out because we’re not as, like, crude,” the slightly more round Weaver girl said.
  • Her mother nodded vociferously. “Mmm hmm. It’s just so against our beliefs just to keep being treated so rudely, but we can’t let it bother us,” she said. She’s even a hypocrite when she makes no sense.
  • “Go slow, crank it hard,” Chris Godlewski said while helping her sister turn an SUV towing a camper.
  • “We’re neutral. Kind of like Switzerland,” Wally Bransen dorkily said of his family’s role in the conflict between the other three teams.
  • “It’s like hundreds of thousands of miles of nothing at all.God must have spent a little less time on this state,” Rolly Weaver said of Utah. Someone needs to stop using the Bible for geography lessons (hundreds of thousands of miles?).
  • The Linzes started making fun of the Weavers: “The Wicked Witch of the East and her three little monkeys,” one said, while another imitated Mom Weaver: “Those Linzes are just nasty.” One of the boys also said, “Someone’s gonna come and drop a house on her head.”
  • “Isn’t it easier navigating in the US?” one of the Godlewskis asked. Easier, sure, but this is The Amazing Race, not a road trip with your sisters.
  • As their brother Tommy started the Detour and rappelled into a canyon, one of his brother said, “If we lose a teammate, it’ll be him. But we’ll turn around and do the bikes.”
  • The Weavers had a conversation about Utah. “I’ve never even heard one thing about Utah,” one girl said. “I have,” her mom replied. “What?” “Mormons live here.” “For real?” “Uh huh. Utah’s the Mormon state.” “No wonder!”
  • “I don’t think Lance Armstrong could make it through this,” a Weaver girl said of the dirt they were biking through. “I hate Utah! I hate it with a passion.” I’ve lost all my energy to point out their stupidity and hypocrisy.
  • Phil’s voice suddenly appeared, and he told us, “Due to a production error involving the camera equipment, the Godlewskis car battery was drained. A replacement vehicle was provided, but they have fallen into last place.” He didn’t say that they’d be given credit for the time, though, which is very odd, since normally production delays always result in time credits.
  • “Drive yourselves to…” Rolly said, and then shrugged his shoulders as his mom ripped the clue from his hands and finished reading it herself.
  • The Weavers discussed the fact that the other teams shun them. “I don’t really understand it,” Mom Weaver said. One of her daughters said, “We’re not going to be rude, but we’re just going to be our team.” Um, rude is exactly what your team is.
  • As his family admired a waterfall and the natural beauty, one of the Linz boys said, “I’d love to be fly fishing right now.” Because the best way to appreciate the wilderness is to trick it into stabbing itself in the mouth with fake food and then suffocating it.
  • The Weavers saw the Linzes as they drove past them, and they all screamed “duck!” and ducked down. Then they got upset because “they weren’t even lookin’!” Yeah, I just don’t really understand it, either.
  • As they drove past two bikers, Rolly Weaver yelled out the open window, “You wish you were Lance Armstrong.” The Weavers all giggled. I hate them.
  • “Now we have to go sit through a yield,” one of the Weavers said, and she was right: the Linzes yielded them, meaning they were yielded two out of a possible two times on the race.
  • The Roadblock, skiing down a 60-foot ramp into a pool of water, was actually cool, especially when Nick Linz smacked into the water. “Face plant!” his sister screamed.
  • “I wonder what Florida is doing right now,” a Godlewski said. “I hope it’s elimination,” another said.
  • As they drove slowly down a winding, scenic rode that they took thinking it’d be a shortcut, Mom Weaver said, “Just accept it, okay? We’ll be last today. We’re done, we’re done. We’ll be eliminated.”
  • Then one of her daughters prayed solemnly, “God, I can’t believe this.”
  • One of the Weaver girls said, “We’re already the last nice family, and we’re gone. The people who win will probably spend it on a new nose and bigger boobs.” Suggestion: Use your consolation prize to get your hypocrisy removed and to get a personality transplant.
  • The Weavers stopped for McDonalds, and sat underneath the Yield eating McFlurries and Big Macs. In that moment, I felt sorry for them, for real.
  • “No prizes,” Phil told the first-place Linz team. “Just kidding!” he said.
  • “I just want to be eliminated,” one Weaver said. “I do, too,” her mom said, and the other sister agreed.
  • Then Phil said this was a non-elimination leg. “And I would have to say, that is the most un-enthusiastic reaction to a non-elimination in the history of The Amazing Race.”
  • “I don’t see, like, a real hunger in your eyes to, like, win this thing. … But you came in today, and it’s almost just like you’re ready to just pack it in,” Phil said, encouraging them to continue rather than encouraging them to quit. Phil’s a dick.
  • “We’re not ready to stop now. We’re ready to win,” Mom Weaver said. And we’re ready to bash our skulls in with our remotes if that happens.

Surprisingly, man not eaten alive on Eaten Alive

Eaten Alive

Discovery Channel’s happy family holiday special Eaten Alive aired Sunday, rewarding viewers for their two full hours of viewing by ensuring that they spent quality time in the company of others instead of wasting that time doing something else that might not have been as satisfying, such as buying things that have labels which accurately reflect their contents.


Winter 2015 reality TV debut schedule

winter 2015 reality TV schedule

Mark your calendars with all these upcoming reality TV show debuts, including Celebrity Apprentice, The Bachelor, and another season of MasterChef Junior, all of which kick off in early January.

There are also 20+ shows debuting in December--including the one-off return of The Sing Off. No winter break for reality TV.

about the writer

Andy Dehnart is a journalist who has covered reality television for more than 15 years and created reality blurred in 2000. A member of the Television Critics Association, his writing and criticism about television, culture, and media has appeared on NPR and in Playboy, Buzzfeed, and many other publications. Andy, 36, also directs the journalism program at Stetson University in Florida, where he teaches creative nonfiction and journalism. He has an M.F.A. in nonfiction writing and literature from Bennington College. More about reality blurred and Andy.