God lends a helping hand to one Amazing Race family while another falls apart

God sure does send some confusing messages. Last week, we were told by dad Rogers that the Bible said he and his mighty penis were supposed to lead his family. This week, Denny’s family followed his lead straight to elimination.

Meanwhile, the Weaver family’s mother, Linda, asked for God’s help: “Lord please help us; in Jesus’ name, please help us, God.” And boy, did He help: they not only arrived first at the next clue box, but they utlimately came in first place. Not since Vecepia won Survivor Marquesas have we seen such divine reality TV show intervention.

The families made another incredibly harrowing journey, traveling all the way from Pennyslvania to Virginia, in a trek that spanned an an epic length of time: the daylight hours of a single day.

Along the way, Denny Rogers stayed in character and was a dick pretty much every time he opened his mouth. “Thank you for paying attention. ‘preciate it,” he said to his son, Brock, who’s probably going to kick his dad in the nuts sooner than later. Throughout the episode, Brock wore a wholesome t-shirt that said “I ♥ ♥ Twins.” Yeah, dude, twins.

The Ghagan family parents picked up the slack for their kids in the physical challenges, and also had to keep them on track: “Kids, kids, Dad and I need to focus,” mom Tammy said. “We’re not in stupid mode,” dad Bill said. The kids earned their way, though, as they’ve proven to be the wittiest racers, a source of constant comic relief. “Carissa’s not doing anything,” Billy said during the Detour ask. “She’s trying, honey,” his mom said. Billy’s timing was flawless: “Can I get Carissa’s job?”

The Paolo family was, once again, a source of constant amusement, starting with the fact that their oldest son decided to dress like a referee just to amuse us. He also decided to berate his mother constantly. “Dammit, you talk when it’s so unnecessary,” DJ told his mother, and then told us, “She just drives me nuts.” No, she needs to kick you in the nuts.

The Rogers family fell apart with Brock at the wheel, as they headed the wrong direction and thus blamed Brock for not turning at an exit that didn’t exist. When his dad finally took over, he coldly referred to his son as “the driver,” perhaps forgetting his name because of all. When Phil Philiminated them, they looked ready to file for a family divorce. Dad stepped up and volunteered to be stoned to death for his family’s failures, but his son wasn’t happy. “My family, they’re always be the same, they know what’s right in their minds, it’s frustrating, I hate it, can’t stand it,” Brock said, apparently speaking in tongues.

By the way, during this episode, it became completely obvious that there’s some sort of partition behind the person who’s siting on the passenger side in the back seat. Since the camera operators sit in the front passenger seat, the sound engineers need to go somewhere. With luggage being stored on the roof, it’s likely the sound people are in the trunk, hopefully strapped in well.

We also got a good idea of how actually reflective Amazing Race tasks are of the region in which they take place: In Washington, D.C., a shadowy figure in a limo gave teams a briefcase, and then they had to swap briefcases with people identified as spies. Spies exchanging briefcases: that’s pretty much our government.

And I think I’m already bored with this season.

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about the writer

Andy Dehnart is a journalist who has covered reality television for more than 15 years and created reality blurred in 2000. A member of the Television Critics Association, his writing and criticism about television, culture, and media has appeared on NPR and in Playboy, Buzzfeed, and many other publications. Andy, 36, also directs the journalism program at Stetson University in Florida, where he teaches creative nonfiction and journalism. He has an M.F.A. in nonfiction writing and literature from Bennington College. More about reality blurred and Andy.