On Sunday, we finally saw the long-awaited confrontation between Surreal Life 5 cast members and larger-than-life reality TV personas Omarosa and Janice Dickinson. Alas, VH1 is milking this for all it’s worth, spreading out the fight over two episodes, so we’ll have to wait until next week to see the outcome.
But part one was pretty good, starting with a flashback to last week: While Janice Dickinson drove herself home from Vegas, she pulled into a truck stop and said, “I’m going to go let a truck driver [beep] me.” So the next morning, Bronson Pinchot asked her, “How many truckers did you do last night?” Apparently, it’s only okay for Janice to make jokes about banging truck drivers, and she reacted. “That was a really low blow and I didn’t appreciate it, so fuck off,” she told Balki.
Janice continued to pick fights, and Bronson and Omarosa both said, “She’s about to blow. And they didn’t mean fun blow, either.
Round one of the Omarosa/Janice fight began while Omarosa was doing an interview, and after Janice taunted Omarosa, The Apprentice star said, “Janice, shut the fuck up.” “I’ll yank your weave off, honey,” Janice replied, and Omarosa came right back with, “I’ll yank your weave off.”
Yes, it really did come to weave-yanking insults. Then Janice made fun of Omarosa for being “a reality show loser,” and Omarosa said Janice was “not a supermodel.” Such wit. At this point, Omarosa decided that the best approach to take would be to relentlessly accuse Janice of being coked out of her mind.
“She is nothing but a high-society crackhead,” Omarosa said. “At the end of the day, she’s still a cracked-out ho, bottom line.” Janice told us that “Omarosa is a pathological liar, period,” and continued to yell at Omarosa. Then Omarosa confronted her: “How could you be so successful and be such a big failure? … Shut the fuck up. Bring it! Bring it!”
And this was just the beginning.
When Janice started waving a butcher knife around manically at a photo shoot, stabbing at Pepa and then Omarosa, the pseudo-celebrity really hit the fan. “She needs to get away from me with the knife, seriously, right now. … I’m not joking. I’m about to hit her in the motherfucking mouth,” Omarosa said. “You let a crackhead play with a knife.” Bronson had to intervene, telling Janice, “Leave her alone.” He told us, “Janice was going to get hurt.”
It went on from there, but my words are not doing this any justice. Watching two semi-literate women attempt to verbally destroy each other–as opposed to, say, watching the drunk, illiterate, immature men and women of Kill Reality prank each other–was some incredible television.
And next week’s half-hour episode will apparently show us both women going over the edge. In the preview, Janice says, “If she attacks my children one more fucking time, that butcher knife’s going to end up through her [bleeping bleep].”
Jose Canseco summed it all up: “This is more scary than jail.”