Charlie picks Sarah B.; The Bachelor will actually return to ABC in 2006.
The Bachelor 7 ended its run last night, and Charlie O’Connell selected Sarah B. Although he didn’t propose, he gave her a promise ring after breaking down and saying, through tears, “I love you and I just think you’re the best person in the world.” He also promised to be “the best boyfriend ever.” First, he ditched Krisily backstage, killing most of the drama and tension, although showing some humanity; he said that he didn’t want to dump her in front of the live audience. In case you missed the episode, you lucky bastard, it was the most drawn-out ordeal in the history of crappy ABC reality series. The selection was preceded by a one-hour episode and an exceedingly long live show.
During his first few live moments, Charlie, a quasi-neanderthal who has the unique gift of making even multisyllabic words sound monosyllabic, ran out of things to say, and had to start repeating himself. If he was any less charasmatic he’d be a bag of wet flour. During the long stretch of nothingness, we had to listen to Charlie and one of the women (I don’t really know who is who) have an extended conversation about microwaving macaroni and cheese, and then watch him move around on a bed to simulate multiple conversations over several weeks. Where is a meteor or hurricane when you really need one?
The very day that this farce played out on television, Variety reported that ABC has “ordered another season of ‘The Bachelor,’ which is expected to return sometime in 2006.” As horrifying as this is, and as unlikely as we are to watch, at least we’ll be comforted knowing that Chris Harrison will be preoccupied and unable to ruin other television shows for us.