Joe Simpson wants to find a new kid to manage via a reality TV show search.

Joe Simpson wants to find a new kid to manage via a reality TV show search.
Having exhausted his supply of daughters, Joe Simpson is about to start trolling the country searching for a new child to exploit, or, to use the Hollywood term, “manage.” The former minister and youth counselor “has started pitching television and music executives on the idea” of holding auditions to find surrogate offspring. He wants “to showcase the approach he and his wife take to child rearing, emphasizing values like honesty and abstinence before marriage,” a New York Times profile reveals.

Responding to charges that he’s exploited his two existing, biological daughters, who he also manages, Simpson says, “Would I do anything to help them get to their dream? Absolutely. But would I do something for my benefit as opposed to theirs? Never. My first responsibility is to be a father, before I’m a manager, before I’m an executive producer. It’s complicated, but it’s worked so far. Personally, I have the ability to separate those things.”

Proof of that comes in an anecdote from a record company exec, who says, “when I was arguing with Ashlee and I was firing her producers, and she was crying, ‘Dad I’m so upset, do something,’ any other manager–forget father–would have jumped in. Joe sat there and didn’t open his mouth.” Ah, that’s what he means by being a father first.

On pimping his girls out to skin mags like Maxim, Joe Simpson says, “That’s God’s business, judgment. Our reason was, we’re not too good to do Maxim. The people that read it are not bad people.” The money from those appearances and his kids’ other ventures goes to a business manager. Why? The man who, as the Times puts it, “gave his daughter a ‘purity ring’ and pledged to be the central man in her life until she married,” says that he wanted them to know that “Daddy never touched their stuff. I wanted them to always look at me with respect.”

Surprisingly, man not eaten alive on Eaten Alive

Eaten Alive

Discovery Channel’s happy family holiday special Eaten Alive aired Sunday, rewarding viewers for their two full hours of viewing by ensuring that they spent quality time in the company of others instead of wasting that time doing something else that might not have been as satisfying, such as buying things that have labels which accurately reflect their contents.


Winter 2015 reality TV debut schedule

winter 2015 reality TV schedule

Mark your calendars with all these upcoming reality TV show debuts, including Celebrity Apprentice, The Bachelor, and another season of MasterChef Junior, all of which kick off in early January.

There are also 20+ shows debuting in December--including the one-off return of The Sing Off. No winter break for reality TV.

about the writer

Andy Dehnart is a journalist who has covered reality television for more than 15 years and created reality blurred in 2000. A member of the Television Critics Association, his writing and criticism about television, culture, and media has appeared on NPR and in Playboy, Buzzfeed, and many other publications. Andy, 36, also directs the journalism program at Stetson University in Florida, where he teaches creative nonfiction and journalism. He has an M.F.A. in nonfiction writing and literature from Bennington College. More about reality blurred and Andy.